She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
