I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
