dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Randomize
