I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
