i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
