So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
