I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
