Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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