i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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