dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
