Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
