last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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