i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
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I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
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I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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