There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Houston, we have a blender
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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