you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
