I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
