Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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