May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
