respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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