I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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