One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just took my morning after pill in the library
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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