now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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