Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
