Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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