we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
from now on my penis is your penis
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
As shirtless as possible
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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