I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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