i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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