somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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