So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
