i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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