I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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