It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
