While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
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We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
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My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize