My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.