When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
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All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.