wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.