my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
