We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My dick has a subreddit
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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