They should really pass out barf bags in church
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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