Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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