Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
