Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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