wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
