I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
All I want is dick and wine.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
