I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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