Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
