sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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