i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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