I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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