last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
