I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
