i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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