your thong is hanging out like whoa
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
