.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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