Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
