He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
