..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
