Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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