Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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