i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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