we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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