He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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