If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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