I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
