I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
