I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Sponge bath it is.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
