So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
