If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
