Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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