I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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