I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
