So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
