Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
