did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
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