I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
