Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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