I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
