The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
