Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
