...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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