Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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