You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
