someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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