Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
