Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
